Things To Do On The Weekend
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Lyrics
Invite a gorilla around for a snack
Run with an ostrich perched on your back
Sing with a chicken sitting on your head
Sleep with a kangaroo beside you in bed
Lift up your father, hang him from the ceiling
Then ask him sweetly, "How are you feeling?"
Take your pet rock on a trip to the zoo
Then think up some more things while sitting on the loo!
Mr Pim
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Lyrics
My friend Mr Pim got stuck in some glue
O dear, O dear, what could he do?
He took off his shirt, he took off his shoe
Then all of a sudden he sneezed - Ahh choo!
My friend Mr Pim is out of the glue
He's feeling fine and happier too.
A little sticky perhaps, that's true
But apart from that, as good as new!
Hey Mr Sound Man
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Lyrics
CHORUS
Hey Mr Sound Man show us how to do
All the sounds you make, we’d like to make them too
Listen and you’ll know, watch and I will show
Golf ball...Squelch...
Yeh...we really really like them
CHORUS
Golf ball...Squelch...
Dttt...Explosion...
Wow...we really really like them
CHORUS
Golf ball...Squelch...
Dttt...Explosion...
Pshh...Car Screech ...
Fantastic...we really really like them
CHORUS
Now hey Mr Sound Man you’ve showed us how to do
All the sounds you make, now we can make them too
Listen and you’ll know, watch and we will show
Golf ball...Squelch...
Dttt...Explosion...
Pshh... Car Screech...
Ting Tang Teng Tong
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Lyrics
When I speak to you, you understand
You nod your head, when you've heard what I've said
But what if I tried some different words
You may think that they are quite absurd
CHORUS
Ting Tang Teng Tong
Ziggle Zaggle Ig Ag
Bickle Cickle Ickle Mickle
Fing Fung Fong
Melly Felly Fip Fop
Wiffy Woffy Wip Wop
Hoffee Moffee Soffee Woffee
Bing Bong Boooing
Now that you heard them what do you think?
Should we throw these words down the kitchen sink?
Or maybe add some new ones but then again not
I think that already we have quite a lot
CHORUS
The words that are sensible are the ones mostly said
From the time that you get up, to the time you go to bed
But which are the ones you prefer to use?
When you get the chance to pick and choose ...because I like
CHORUS (repeated)
Never No Never No Never
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Lyrics
CHORUS
Three girls could never no never no never squash into an old paint tin
And three boys could never no never no never squeeze into a rubbish bin
But a thin Mum could slide through the crack in the old wall around at the back oh but
Three girls could never no never no never squash into an old paint tin
I suppose if the three girls were short girls not tall girls
Then a suitcase would be just the thing
With a little bit of squeeze and a little bit of squash
And a big bit of push they'd fit in - but I think
CHORUS
I once saw a magician climb into a letterbox
But he never told me how it was done
And I once saw twelve Daddies squash into a bathroom
But I don't think they found it much fun - and they said
CHORUS
Squash into an old paint tin
Squash into an old paint tin
Elizabeth
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Lyrics
She was not looking well, lolling listlessly round the aquarium
I said to myself – don’t panic.
Fish are like that, they have bad days just like all of us
Still I couldn’t concentrate on my work
Just thinking about – Elizabeth
Was she in pain, had her fish friend left her
Swum off to some far flung corner of – the aquarium
My heart went out to her, I longed to pluck her from the water
And offer my heartfelt sympathy but a voice within me said
That was not a desirable course of action with – regard to fish
So I took her to the vet, he prescribed a course of antibiotics
Elizabeth did not seem impressed
The vet looked at me with an expression which seemed to say
This is an – extremely foolish song.
I took the hint – and stopped.
Err Yuck!
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Lyrics
If 6 flies landed on your jelly…..
Then how would you feel – Err Yuck!
If 5 mosquitoes swam around your soup….
Then how would you feel – Err Yuck!
If 4 frogs hopped into your bed…
Then how would you feel – Err Yuck!
If 3 snails slithered on to your sandwiches …..
Then how would you feel – Err Yuck!
If 2 toffee apples got tangled in your hair …..
Then how would you feel – Err Yuck! – and
If one elephant sat upon your head ….
Then how would you feel – Squashed!
Peppercorn Tree
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Lyrics
The King is up a peppercorn tree
The King is up a peppercorn tree
The King is up a peppercorn tree
What a silly old King is he.
The Queen of Spain has come again,
She sits and waits,
It’s getting rather late, and still …
The King is up a peppercorn tree
The King is up a peppercorn tree
The King is up a peppercorn tree
What a silly old King is he.
Another Cup of Tea
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Lyrics
Jack and Jill dropped in
Only just the other day
They stayed a while then said
They had best be on their way.
We really ought to go – o
No, no. no, no, no – o – so
CHORUS
Jack and Jill said let’s have
Another cup of tea
They sat down at the table
To take a sip with me – when
The telephone rang
We really ought to go - o
No, no. no, no, no – o – so
CHORUS
The telephone rang
The baby cried
We really ought to go - o
No, no. no, no, no – o – so
CHORUS
The telephone rang
The baby cried
The lightning flashed
We really ought to go - o
No, no. no, no, no – o – so
CHORUS
The telephone rang
The baby cried
The lightning flashed
The rain came down
We really ought to go - o
No, no. no, no, no – o – so
CHORUS
The telephone rang
The baby cried
The lightning flashed
The rain came down
The dog ran out
We really ought to go - o
No, no. no, no, no – o – so
CHORUS
The telephone rang
The baby cried
The lightning flashed
The rain came down
The dog ran out
The duck came in
We really ought to go - o
No, no. no, no, no – o – so
CHORUS
The telephone rang
The baby cried
The lightning flashed
The rain came down
The dog ran out
The duck came in
The television exploded!
Walk Down The Street
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Lyrics
Chorus
Walk down the street – hey man cool
Do the Donald Duck in the pool
Everybody holds the fingers on the nose
Then they slap, clap, snap, sneeze – ah choo!
Here’s a little game, it doesn’t have a name
Would you like to play?
Jump on a cow, follow me now
And right away
Down to the shed. Stand on your head
Then I suggest you beat your chest
The look at me and do the things I do.
Chorus
Have a cup of tea sitting in a tree
Very nice
And if you want to sing God save the King
Jolly good, super
Jump to the floor, swing on the door
Then I suggest you beat your chest
The look at me and do the things I do.
Chorus
Jump on your broom fly to Saskatoon
You really should
You can be a groover, fly to Vancouver
Lovely place.
And when you touch down, back on the ground
Then I suggest you beat your chest
The look at me and do the things I do.
Chorus
My Toothbrush Won’t Clean
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Lyrics
My toothbrush won’t clean o dear Mrs Green
Throw it away, throw it away
My cheese it won’t grill o dear Mrs Pill
Turn up the heat, turn up the heat.
Chorus
And don’t be sad, its not that bad
Tomorrow will be better.
My peach it won’t squash o dear Mrs Posh
Throw it down, throw it down.
My tummy won’t tickle o dear Mrs Pickle
Give it a poke, give it a poke.
Chorus
My hair it won’t grow o dear Mrs Snow
Buy a new wig, buy a new wig.
My eggs will not scramble o dear Mrs Campbell
Try them fried, tried them fried.
Chorus
My telephone won’t ring o dear Mrs Ding
Then get it mended that would be splendid.
My head it won’t spin o dear Mrs Pin.
Take it off, take it off
“I have” said Mrs Pin, “but now I can’t find it.”
Oh ... well when you find your head this time
Just place a smile upon your dial
No don’t be sad it’s not that bad
Tomorrow will be better.
Stuck In A Pizza
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Lyrics
Mr Clicketty Cane got stuck in a pizza
Mozarella cheese on his belly – o
He twisted and he shouted, shook himself about –ed
His wife was I dismay, but all that he could say was
Chorus
Take a step
Clap your hands
Turn your head to the left
To the right
Bring those feet back together
Little Jeffrey Hill was cooking in the kitchen
Eggs on his legs and on the floor – 0
His mother came to see it she said “I don’t believe it”
Then Jeffrey dropped the mixing bowl which landed on the cat
Chorus
Edward J Fox was waiting at the airport
Had to catch a plane to San Francisco
While standing in the toilet he came across the pilot
Who looked a trifle grim when Edward said to him
Chorus
Made Ya Look Ya Dirty Chook
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Lyrics
Ping pong ball in the vegemite
Take a look and see, see if I’m right
Chorus
Made ya look ya dirty chook
Made ya look ya dirty chook
Big fat frog under the bed
One little hop he’s sitting on your head.
Chorus
Red back spider combing his hair
Watching playschool, sitting on a chair
Chorus
Pink kangaroo in the apricot tree
You can’t really miss him he’s easy to see.
First Reader
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Lyrics
Shane likes Rita, Rita likes Shane
Rita and Shane like the dog
The dog likes the cat, the cat likes the dog
Rita and Shane like toys
Rita can run, Shane can run
The dog and the cat can run as well
The dog likes the ball, the cat likes the mat
Rita and Shane like the horse
The horse likes tea, milk with no sugar
Served on a silver tray – he’s fussy
It can’t be too hot, it can’t be too cold
Quite frankly he’s a pain in the neck – and a twit
Happy As Larry
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If you snap your fingers with a (snap snap snap)
And you slap your knees with a (slap slap slap)
If you stamp your feet with a (stamp stamp stamp)
And you blink your eyes with a (blink blink blink)
CHORUS
You’ll be good as new, you’ll be right as rain
You’ll be happy as Larry, happy as Larry
If you clap your hands with a (clap clap clap)
And you click your tongue with a (click click click)
If you ring on the phone with a (ddt ddt)
And you whisper a secret with a (pss pss pss)
CHORUS
If you swing on a swing that goes (swanee whistle up)
Then you swing on a swing that goes (swanee whistle down)
If you sip lemonade with a (slurp slurp slurp)
And you make a big sound like a (booing booing)
CHORUS
If you drive in a car with a (vrooom vrooom)
Then you put on the brakes with a (screech)
If you fly like Superman with a (pshhh)
And you ride in a train with a (choo choo choo)
CHORUS
Good as new, right as rain
Happy as Larry, happy as Larry…
Dr McKew
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Lyrics
CHORUS
Dr McKew what will you do
If your billygoat won’t eat stew?
I will give him cheesecake (he will give him cheesecake)
Twice every day but
CHORUS
I will give him cheesecake (he will give him cheesecake)
I will give him creampuffs (he will give him creampuffs)
Twice every day but
CHORUS
I will give him cheesecake (he will give him cheesecake)
I will give him creampuffs (he will give him creampuffs)
I will give him popcorn (he will give him popcorn)
Twice every day but
CHORUS
I will give him cheesecake (he will give him cheesecake)
I will give him creampuffs (he will give him creampuffs)
I will give him popcorn (he will give him popcorn)
I will give him jellybeans (he will give him jellybeans)
Twice every day but
CHORUS
ENDING (spoken)
Put him on a diet and then trade him in for a new one!
Standing On A Bus
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Lyrics
Have you ever seen a man
Standing on one leg
While standing on a bus?
Have you ever seen a man
Having a cup of tea
Standing on one leg
While standing on a bus?
Have you ever seen a man
Shaking a tambourine
Having a cup of tea
Standing on one leg
While standing on a bus?
Have you ever seen a man
Shaving off his beard
Shaking a tambourine
Having a cup of tea
Standing on one leg
While standing on a bus?
Have you ever seen a man
Washing his dirty hair
Shaving off his beard
Shaking a tambourine
Having a cup of tea
Standing on one leg
While standing on a bus?
Have you ever seen a man
Playing a game of ping-pong
Washing his dirty hair
Shaving off his beard
Shaking a tambourine
Having a cup of tea
Standing on one leg
While standing on a bus?
You haven’t? – either have I